66 Totally Tasteless Pick-Up Lines

1.      If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?

2.      I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.

3.      If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!

4.      How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?

5.      I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.

6.      You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.

7.      My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.

8.      Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go fuck

9.      Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!

10.  If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?

11.  You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!

12.  Your parents must be retarded, because you are special.

13.  Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside?

14.  I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69?

15.  How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.

16.  Guy: "Would you like to dance?"
Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."
Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"

17.  I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

18.  Fuck me if I'm wrong, but is your name Yolanda?

19.  I love every bone in your body - especially mine.

20.  You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

21.  Hey baby, what's your sign? Caution, slippery when wet, dangerous curves ahead, yield?

22.  I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this motel room.

23.  Wanna play Pearl Harbor?....Its a game where I lay back while you blow the hell out of me.

24.  Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

25.  Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

26.  I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

27.  That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

28.  I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

29.  Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

30.  I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long

31.  Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

32.  Nice legs...what time do they open?

33.  Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

34.  You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

35.  I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Pink-Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

36.  I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

37.  I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

38.  I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

39.  Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway the heaven?

40.  Hey baby, why don't you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that POPS up.

41.  You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

42.  Are those real?

43.  You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

44.  You can feel the magic between us...No, lower!

45.  I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

46.  Girl, if you were a porch I'd take out all the nails and screw ya.

47.  (Look down at the crotch) It's not just going to suck itself.

48.  You know, if I were you, I'd have. sex with me

49.  You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any Questions?

50.  Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

51.  My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

52.  what's your favorite color? (answer) you'd look good naked in a tub with me!

53.  Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

54.  My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute."

55.  Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

56.  My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

57.  I know milk does a body good, but, DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

58.  If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public.

59.  Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? What you don't like pizza?

60.  I may not be Dairy Queen but I'll treat you right.

61.  Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.

62.  Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them.

63.  Like Motel 6...I'll leave a light on for you.

64.  If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

65.  Let me check the tag on your shirt, I want to see if it says "Made in Heaven"

66.  I cant find my house, Can i sleep with you?